


I Want Mead

by bladesummonerv



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Protective Jaskier | Dandelion, existential body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27378670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladesummonerv/pseuds/bladesummonerv
Summary: Geralt has a contract to stop an evil wizard, and he comes back mid-way through acting strange.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Kudos: 22





	I Want Mead

Geralt came back early, with a foolish look on his face. It's not that Jaskier, while he's playing, reads the crowd THAT closely. But when Geralt is in a room, he will glance, and possibly even enjoy himself more.

I would say he was drunk by the time Jaskier got a free minute from his adoring fans, but... I don't know if it's... the ale. Doing that. "Come on Geralt, did you get us a room?"

"No. Jaskier, Jaskier, have I EVER told you, that I love your voice."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." Jaskier tows him to the bartender to ask about getting the room settled. 

Geralt hops up the stairs with Jaskier. "Are you going to remember this in the morning?" Jaskier asks him, still tender-voiced.

"Morning? Yes." Geralt says.

"I'm gonna get us some dinner... It's gonna have a lot of bread, okay?"

"Bread. And other stuff? Cider?"

"Cider?"

"Fuit drink--mead. I want mead, Jaskier." Geralt whines.

Jaskier better not laugh at him when he's like this. "I'll see what I can do."

After dinner, Geralt grouses about checking on Roach, but he's not any more sober, so Jaskier goes with him. They take their boots off, and Geralt read his monster books and Jaskier fiddled with his lute.

"I know things." Geralt says. "Come here."

"I'm alright."

"Hm." So he meditates. He's left his stuff all over. Jaskier gives him some time to focus on centering himself or whatever, and then picks around the room, distracting him and folding his leather and setting all his iron together. "I'm gonna be sad tomorrow."

"What? Why?" Jaskier looks at him.

"I just will. I'm fine, don't fuss. You have to be quiet. Come here." Geralt demands. He kneels behind Jaskier while he sits on the edge of the bed... and combs his hair... and wipes a wet washcloth on his neck and ears... and pets his arms.

"Can you tell me anything about what's going on?" Jaskier complains.

"Don't bother me." Geralt says, a cartoon of his own manner.

Jaskier was going to sleep not touching him--guys I don't think he's drugged, I think he's just simply not Geralt, period, and how awkward is that--but they hadn't done that in months. So he rolls against him, and hums when Geralt puts his arm around him. "Thanks for taking care of me so well." The Witcher mumbles.

"I don't know what that means Geralt!"

"I'm happy when I'm with you."

"Aw. I was thinking the same when I saw you come in while I was playing."

\---

"Hey." Geralt came back after doing whatever his contract was it better not have been actually 'let us experiment on you and change your personality' again, that is not the Witcher job description. The Witcher job description is getting enchanted by a knoll. Anyways, he looked slightly haunted.

"Are you okay?" Jaskier came over and helped him out of his armor.

"Yes." Geralt said like he was annoyed at the attention fuck yes we got him back, we got HIM back. Please let--PLEASE let Jaskier take care of you, Mr. Witcher. Geralt fell to the bed and growled. Well, it might have been a sigh.

"Okay. You said you'd be sad, so tell me what to do, okay?"

Geralt sat up and pointed at Jaskier with big old yellow eyes. "Did I tell you that?"

"Yyyyyeah, but,"

"Did you believe it?"

Jaskier went 'tch,' because why are you mad at ME? "Well, I know you wouldn't SAY that. If you were feeling more yourself. But gods! You were saying all sorts of things. But, you said you'd remember it in morning. Because I asked, because it seemed like you wouldn't--do you? And when you woke up and looked at me like you were going to convince me to go mud wrestling with you, I figured."

"What did you figure."

"That you remembered last night, this morning. So, you were right about that, you must know about your future state. You DO seem a bit gloomy. One of those contracts where you're forced to learn something. You're too old for that. You're not actually a character in a funny song, you don't need to get beat up for stealing sugar." You know, the beloved bard song about community, vigilantism, mob justice, and sugar thieves. "Speaking of which."

"I wanted to eat fruit and custard." Geralt said. "Stupid."

"Not stupid. It was cute how you asked. You got me to do stuff for you." Jaskier said. Geralt looked like he was going to apologize. "No no no, it WAS cute. Come here, I have something for you. I mean stay on the bed. No. Sitting."

Geralt sighed. He's so impatient. "Oh. Did you have fun telling me when to stand, and, and sit." He laughed.

Jaskier gave him a funny look, kneeling behind him. The neck and ears was WEIRD, the arm petting and hand petting was weird. The hair brushing though... Jaskier brushed just the ends of his free layer, heard him rumble a laugh. Yeah, yeah, so self-defensive. I'm ironically brushing your hair. I'm ironically following you around. I'm ironically kissing you. Jaskier took the top part down and yep there he goes, curling against himself trying to laugh quietly.

"Oh-ho, she brushed your hair."

Who is sh... Wait, hair, petting, eating fruit, smiling... Roach?!

He acted like he hadn't listened to that. "Stop laughing, let me do this it's fine. Sit up, you told me a secret last night and I wa..." Jaskier pulled on his shoulder. Geralt was too smart though, didn't believe--he probably didn't believe Jaskier would sit on a secret this long. Jaskier did his punchline anyways, leaping on him and nickering against his neck. "Brrrrrrr!" And they both laughed. Ridiculous.

"Tell me I didn't go off with anyone."

"Like I would let you do that! You were acting totally gone from the start. You had no shame. I had to get the room because you forgot. I want to be a horse." Jaskier said. "So carefree." 

He gasped, a dismayed noise, and Geralt laid slack. "Were you out there in the stables all night AS A HORSE. You're not sad, you're just lonely. I was thinking, we always sleep together. Were you cold? Could you talk horse were there any other horses? Roach could talk human."

"Yes I could talk horse."

"Were you too 'you' to stay up all night getting to know them?"

"They're horses. Did Roach ask you anything? No, because you're a human."

"Well I think she was trying to be you. She said." Oh, there's the secret, thanks for taking care of me. She was trying to get Geralt to confess to something. Haha! Even she knows Geralt is constipated and full of himself. "I tried to get her to give me a hint about what was happening and she said, don't bother me."

"It's fucking embarrassing to get turned into a horse. I know I'm not a fucking horse."

"Alright. Well, I still want to take care of you. I could brush your hair. I could ride you."

"Oh, stop." Geralt laughed.

"Or we could talk."

"I know I'm not a horse. My mouth tastes like dust and hay."

"Ah, the true path to a man's heart, dinner."

**Author's Note:**

> ALSDFJLADJFLFJ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsIJJ4IJstg>  
> If you skipped to this for a spoiler alert it's that Geralt and Roach get body swapped! A classic! And so Geralt (actually Roach) is like "carrots and apples! (banging on the table with a coconut shell" and then later on he's like "all the other horses bullied me for having witcher emotions" [ catch my wintcher pintrest baord for all the latest witcher posts](https://morshuwatcher.tumblr.com/) oh! did the change in verb-tense break emersion? it wasn't supposed to be a distraction. comments are apprec!


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